Literature

Publications

Selected papers. Full texts remain behind the embargo curtain until the dry-clean cycle of history completes.

  1. Participants (n=48) consumed standardized pinto rations while seated in instrumented five-pocket jeans. Rigidity decayed as a logistic function of serving size. Coffee steepened the curve.
    DOI 10.shart/adc.2025.014 · manuscript embargoed pending IRB

  2. We model fiber-fiber friction under transient abdominal pressure. Simulated navy-bean events reproduce laboratory seam yaw within 4%.
    DOI 10.shart/jpus.2024.088 · manuscript embargoed pending IRB

  3. Elastic recovery is not binary. We report a hysteresis loop we call the apology curve, visible after the third consecutive chili night.
    DOI 10.shart/til.2024.003 · manuscript embargoed pending IRB

  4. Black beans were fastest. Lentils were a polite footnote. The chili-bean complex remains an outlier pending IRB amendment.
    DOI 10.shart/pcc.2023.221 · manuscript embargoed pending IRB

  5. Caffeine did not cause events. It scheduled them. We recommend decaf only in the control arm, never in the field.
    DOI 10.shart/jos.2023.041 · manuscript embargoed pending IRB

  6. The founding methods paper. Defines event, near-event, and the professionally useful category of nobody-needed-to-know.
    DOI 10.shart/sltr.2022.001 · manuscript embargoed pending IRB